Monday, 17 October 2016

Storytime: Dating Disaster

Stuck Up Simon

This is a story about one of my worst dating disasters imaginable. I've never told anyone in such detail about these dates and my family don't even know I go on dates.. Do you see how secretive I am??? I've changed his name to Simon for anonymous reasons & he's called 'Stuck up Simon' for reasons you'll soon find out. (hope he doesn't see this how awkward would that be)

First Date
I met Simon on Tinder back in 2015, this is the first & last time I will use tinder or any other online dating site to find a date. Online dating isn't my thing. Me and Simon were talking for a few weeks until he asked to take me on a date. I asked to see a photo of him first on snapchat so I knew he wasn't a catfish or mad murderer.. safety first and all that (even though we had followed each other on Instagram) he thankfully looked the same so I accepted. 

One Friday evening in May, Simon picked me up from my house in his flashy BMW. I KNOW RIGHT!! & he was only 19. He had told me to dress smart/casual for the date (every girls nightmare) when we were driving into town, I asked where it was we were going. He said San Carlo. 

YES SAN CARLO!!! The most expensive and extravagant place in the whole city & theres me in flipping jeans. My heart actually sank, I mean how could I even afford that for a start? So I started protesting how we couldn't possibly eat there & he accepted to try somewhere else. 

We drove towards the Albert Dock.. did you know that BMW have their own car park that cost about £200 a month? cause same. I opted for TGI'S in Liverpool One, I could already tell our worlds were different, but he didn't seem to mind just yet. 

When we were there eating away at our chicken, we were just talking getting to know each other and a couple next to us definitely knew we were on a first date and kept looking at us LIKE CAN YOU MAKE ME ANY MORE NERVOUS? The bill came and I said we should go half, i'm an independent woman who don't need no man to pay for my food. However he whacked out a £50 note and said he was paying. Excuse me?? i'd never even seen one of them before and still haven't used one! (except online maybe lol) 

After our meal, one of the Queen Elizabeth boats was in town so we went over to look at that and some projection was being shown on buildings whilst music played, which was cute. After that, there was also a firework show from the middle of the River Mersey, how cute is that for a date setting though?! 

Second Date
Four our second date, it was more of a hang out completely different to our first. Simon wanted to go to Ikea to get some furniture and office essentials for his new office in the Albert Dock, he was literally a fifty year old man in a 19 year old body. So I went along to help. 

I basically just walked around pretending I had a clue, looking for shelves that wine would look good in? err maybe my fridge shelves ;) his job was something to do with wine, idk really I just heard wine. I noticed that he was on his phone a lot but thought he could have a list or something and put it to the back of my head. Like I said, it was only the second date we weren't anything serious. (so clingy lmao)

After we had put everything into his car, which was a hard effort let me tell you. My mum had text asking me to go to the shops to get some food essentials, Simon kindly said he would drive me to the Asda. Whilst I was putting food in the basket, he started judging me for how much food I was getting. Like no one judges my food intake or my family. Bearing in mind I'm a family of 6 and he's a family of 2 obviously it's going to be different. Idiot. 

Third Date
Our third and final date lol. Simon text me asking a nice little cafe we could go for some dinner near mine so I suggested MOOSE which is delicious. He picked me up and started faffing around trying to find somewhere to park asking me where I normally park 1. I don't drive & 2. it's 20-30 minute walk away from mine I ain't lazy thanks. PLUS his swanky car could deffo park itself anyway. 

We both ordered some sandwiches but instead of talking, he was just sat there on his phone talking about some meeting he was going to in London. He even rang the person running the meeting up and sat talking to them for 10-15 minutes NOT what you do on a date (lads take notes) He then started moaning about the traffic and looking it up on google maps, I literally felt like I was sitting with my dad. It was so rude considering my phone was politely on silent in my bag too. 

As if things couldn't possibly get any worse, he started questioning me about Uni and saying how pointless it all is wasting time in uni when he could just be running his own business like he is now. Sound. Go back to your fifty year old life then bye x

The next thing I see is that on his Instagram he was actually away with some girl and was 'in love' with her (!!!). Like why couldn't he have just told me that instead of making me sit through his exhausting moaning about flipping traffic and how perfect his business is. He still goes around liking all my Instagram photos though & i'm just too nosey to delete him. 

So here's my little rant about my worst dating disaster. Have you had worse dates than this please let me know, also let me know if you want me to do more like this I have plenty lol. 


  1. Love this post so much! Was laughing all the way through it! I hope stuck up simon sees this post after all haha!Thanks for sharing this with us xx

    1. aww thank you so much claire, means so much you're so sweet :) ahaha omg no 'd actually die if he did though xx