All Thing's Books

Hiii lovelys, how are you all? Hope you're all well.

This is a different post but i've been OBSESSED with reading books lately. So i'm just going to talk about books i've been reading lately, I have more at home but I couldn't fit them in my bag to bring back to my uni house (literally the worst). If you have any book recommendations please do tell, as i'm going to be buying more books!!!

I actually have a kindle as well which I used to use all the time but lately i've preferred to read physical copy of books rather than off a screen.. anyone else? Idk it just feels cosier and different, i'm sure i'll probably go back of getting into a routine of reading the kindle but for now i'm loving 'actual books'.

SO my first book i'm going to mention is: The Christmasaurus by Tom Fletcher

Whenever I mention this to friends they're always like "isn't that a child's book?" But yeno what I LOVE IT (!!!!) I actually think it suits all ages and it fully gets you into the Christmas spirit.. I read this before Christmas but just finished it this week as I left it back at uni. I don't wanna do a pure review of these books, but it was just super sweet and think everyone should read it. 

The next book is: Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find them by JK Rowling

Most people have probably heard of this, at first I'm not gonna lie it was kinda slow so I was a bit disappointed but when you get through the first few 'Scenes' I couldn't put it down. I love how it's kinda linked to Harry Potter too where they mention Hogwarts, Dumbledore and Muggles it made me SO happy. I also saw the film and it was exactly like the book described, which I knew it would be because of her Harry Potter series and it's one I can see going back to for a long time. 

The next is: The Girl On The Train by Paula Hawkins

My mum and friends have been trying to get me to read this for ages and I don't really know why i'm only just reading it now?? It's so different to what I thought it was going to be like though but again I was obsessed and I got through it in about 2 days! The ending was so unexpected and I was actually getting so scared reading it.. not the best story to read at 2am lol. When I finished it I just wanted to watch the film as i've heard mixed reviews on that too and would be disappointed if it was massively different. It kinda was different like the location and mixed up what was said where, but suppose that was to make the whole movie shorter I don't think it'll be one I'll watch again tbh. The book was deffo better but just my opinion.

The last book i'm going to mention then is: Girl Online, Going Solo by Zoe Sugg (Zoella)

I've loved the whole of her series, and they just get better each time if this is the last one i'll be so disappointed but it would be an amazing ending as well. How good would it be if there was a movie as well?! GOALS. At some points in the book however, I felt like it was so unrealistic I did so many eye rolls but just gotta get past that. Since Zoe suffers with anxiety as well i've always found it so inspiring that she wrote about a character with it as well, raising awareness to it and since the main character is a photographer and blogger I could properly relate to her.. besides her famous boyfriend. After reading this though it gave me SO much motivation to get back out there and producing photographs for my own uni work, so if you want some motivation go ahead and read this! 

So, that's all the ones i've read recently if you have any favourite books please do leave them in comments below i'd love to read them, or if you've read any that I have leave your own opinions. 

My Positives & Negatives Of The Week

I couldn't really think of what to write this week, so these are just a random little things. 

Positives

1. Ordered a Vlog camera for Vlogmas

2. Know what i'm doing for one of assignments 

3. Been getting ready to go home on Wednesday for weekend 

4. Bought Tom Fletchers Christmasaurus book 

5. My flat mate has loads of milk in = I get to steal some 

Negatives

1. Smashed my iPhone screen so it's nearly coming off

2. Been too stressed with dissertation to not take any photos

3. Keep feeling light headed due to not getting enough sleep

4. Couldn't go to York Christmas Market due to anxiety 

5. Been missing my pets 

My Experience With Anxiety

I've never told anyone that I suffer with anxiety. I'm such a closed book as you could say and hate telling people my problems. I've heard people I hang round with constantly saying 'what even is anxiety' 'if someone wanted to hang out they would, don't make excuses' 

I never knew I had anxiety until I really read people's side to it and thought omg that's 100% me I couldn't explain it any better!! I always knew I was different though. 

I was always shy in school, never knowing how to make friends. Afraid of not being accepted. Afraid of being the odd one out. just scared that i was constantly annoying them with my presence that they couldn't wait to get rid of me. 

Even when I got asked to read allowed in english lessons I could just feel it in my eyes and throat that at any second I was about to cry. I was a good reader it was the only thing in school I was good at, it was the thought of everyone just staring and hearing me read. What if I didn't know a word and messed up. What if I started putting a voice on without realising it and everyone started laughing?! 

Recently it's been getting worse. People ask me to hang out and the fear of that just gets too much, my mind goes into overdrive of why I shouldn't. Everyone will stare at me. They don't want me to hang out with them anyway they're just being polite. 

Even in work, I work in a pub and i'm not a social person and on my first shift my boss even said I was quiet and all I wanted to do was make a good impression, I tried talking to the staff but I didn't know what to say. I'm no good at small talk. 

On halloween weekend I went back to liverpool to work some shifts, I felt like the new staff all over again even though i'd been there all over summer. I had a mini panic attack just over thinking the situation, that I was being left out, they were all talking about me, I was the loner of the group. I even start over thinking the shift in general that I couldn't cope with the rush, i'd get everyone's orders all wrong, i'll forget what shorts we had. 

I wish I knew how to stop these thoughts but every day they just seem to be getting worse. I can't even leave my room at times to go the shop across the road for a pint of milk. Just thinking that the shop assistant will think i'm strange just going for milk, or that if I don't wear make up people will stare at me. How do I cross the road, what if I look strange, what if I go to cross and a car goes instead and I get in the way. 

I always hope i'll get confident and be the type of person to just walk up to everyone and say hi. whenever I try to be confident I just be funny instead, it's something that come natural and having banter with my friends just stops everything going through my mind. 

I just wish I didn't overthink situations with my friends and that I could just be myself without this voice going a million miles in my head. It's taking over me. But i wont let it.