What I Got For My Birthday

Hiii lovelies "i'm feeling 22" hehe had to put that in there. So, I thought I would just do a lil post on what my amazing friends & family got me for my birthday...

So, off my mum & dad i got a photo printer.. i always sound so weird saying that but i LOVE printing photo's off and i just cba paying loads for them yeno. So i actually chose this myself and then they bought it, but what i wasn't expecting was this little book (!!!) i love personalised gifts and it was so unexpected. I've made one of these for my friend before and they're just so original and cute. 

I got this cute meerkat off my eldest sister, and my favourite animal is meerkat so of course i just fell in love. It even has it's own name.. i mean can it get any cuter?! It's so cool how she got it like i've never seen meerkat toys expect for like the GoCompare adverts it's so cuddly too. She also got me a lovely meal but being a bad blogger (and too hungry) i didn't take a pic but it was v.yummy.

This is off my other sister, i've always wanted a colouring book but never actually bought one it's so calming and therapeutic too deffo gonna help me with this final year of uni. She also cleverly thought about getting me colouring pencils too aha.. the BEST part about this present though is the sharpener. I mean just look at it, it's a sharpener that looks like a 'Rolliflex' camera.. my fav camera that i'll never get lol. 

These are off my two friends in uni, they also got me the lightbox which i've wanted for AGES. They got me so many amazing presents i'm just in love with it all and can't wait to do my nails now or try a hot chocolate. 

This is a present off one of my best friends on the course and she legit knows me so well, get me anything cat related and i'll love it (all my friends actually got me cat related cards lol) and the mug well just explains my life 24/7 basically. 

These are all off my bestest pal.. again off my course aha. We've been mate for three years and she really does get the best gifts, they're all so personal too and a gal loves personal gifts. I even have pjs in the grumpy cat so these socks go PERFECTLY and they have that padding on bottom so no falling over for me. I just cannot wait to snuggle up with this cutest hot water bottle and all these snacks aha.

This is off my all time bezzy and again she gives me the most personal gifts.. knows me so well.  I cannot wait to read this book it's gonna be so helpful to me and interesting probably learn i've broken all the rules already. She also got me a coronation street colouring book.. Yes another colouring book AND IT'S CORRIE eep, i got too excited and took it back to uni with me before i actually took a pic. It's so cool it actually tells you about the scenes the photo is off highly recommend. I know you read my posts so THANK YOU M8 xox

So, i hope y'all enjoyed this post and got an extra insight about me and all the things i love. 

xox

Feeling Like You Don't Fit In

This is probably going to be quite a deep post as i’m listening to Nathan Sykes’ album.. damn you Nathan. However, this is going to be all about friendships and my life experience with having the worst friends and how i'm getting through it.

I’m not going to lie, I used to have loads of friends back in primary school but then when we moved off into secondary school. Me and my friends drifted apart and I was left alone and shy, not knowing how to make friends as I mainly kept the same friends from reception up to year 6. 

In secondary school, I was always the odd one out in my friendship group it was really odd I had no one else to turn to except this friendship group. I mean, I had different friends in some of my classes but I wasn't suddenly going to go and join their friendship groups. That wasnt me to tell people how I felt and I liked everyone to think that my life was perfect and I was really happy with my friends. But in all honestly I hated every minute with them and I would often skip school just so I wouldn't have to deal with them.

Friends are meant to make you feel happy and positive, but these just wouldn't make me feel like I was one of them. I was just the odd one that would follow them around at dinner and break times I hated it so much. I’m not going to go into detail but in year 10/11 I can't really remember, I went off and joined another friendship group who were friends from my science class. I didn't especially like these friends as they were the ‘chavs’ of the year whereas the other ‘friendship’ group were the sort of populars so it was a massive drop. Back then I really cared about who I was friends with like, did I really want to be seen hanging round with these when the people I used to hang round with were so cool?? But I had no other choice. 

Moving on from secondary school dilemmas i’m now in university and the past two years i’ve always had one main best friend from my course but never really hung out with anyone else. So last year when we got separated into different groups, I felt like I was back in secondary school again with no friends to turn to at dinner time as most of the class had gone into the new groups with their old friends..lucky for them right. This meant at dinner time they would go off and eat together at restaurants, leaving me to just walk home in the dinner hour thank god I lived only 10 minutes away from uni otherwise I literally don’t know what i’d do. 

It was a hard beginning of the year for me I even ended up going to see my tutor about it saying how upset I was and that I just wanted to move groups again because I just didn't fit in and I didn't have anyone. He wouldnt let me move telling me that it would be good for me and in the industry I wouldn't work with anyone I knew. But he didn't understand my past and I just hated having to cling onto people hoping they’d want to hang arround with me rather than having me forced onto them.

I did end up talking to some girls that I was friends with in first year but I mean I was only friends with them because we would speak over twitter we weren't bffs but I sat next to them in class and when we went to Paris I even hung around with them at times but I felt like I was still trying to fit in with there group just hoping that they would accept me. 

In this year, there are no groups we’re all in one big class. I now have two friendship groups where I'm rather close to all of them I would like to say. One of the friendship groups is the one from last year and I even went out for dinner/tea and some cocktails with them yesterday and I can honestly say it was one of the best days i’ve had in the last few years. I felt so included and it just made so happy that they actually wanted me there to celebrate one of their birthdays with them.

This might sound so weird to some people like, 'it was only for a day, she must be really weird not getting invited to anything much whats wrong with her?' I’ve thought all those things about myself too what is wrong with me that makes me feel that people don’t want to be my friend. I think because of back in year 10/11 I had such horrible things said to me from my ‘friends’ who I would hang around with since year 7 it’s so hard to trust and get close to people. If I hang around with people would they just get bored of me, do they even want me there, are they talking about me behind my back thinking of ways to get rid of me when i go the toilet? ALL of these go through my mind when i’m with a number of people, it’s so hard for me and I just wish I could just chill with people and not have to worry hopefully I will be able to one day.

This may be a bit rambling and deep, but felt like I just wanted to write all these down and some of you may be in these circumstances. It WILL get better. 

How to recognise fake friends

Follow my blog with Bloglovin
Instagram: vanesswalker
Twitter: webloglifeprobs

You always meet friends that you think will be in your life forever, but what happens when they suddenly turn their back on you? You start overthinking everything that you've ever done as to why they just mugged you over. Only to realise that it wasn't you but it was them. 

Now over the years, I've had some bad friendship circumstances where I've had to stop and think about why I'm actually still talking to them. I'm sure everyone's had to deal with that at some point.. if not then please tell me your secrets. 

Here's my list of ways to recognise fake friends. 

1. You always make the effort with them. If you don't start the conversation then there basically won't be one. I'm not saying to talk 24/7 but everyone has a bit of gossip in there life to share.
2. They never invite you out to places. One time they would've done but now they decide to choose someone else and you're left sitting at home with a tea & Netflix (thats the real winner tbh). 
3. They call everyone their best friend. Like, no. There's a rule you're only allowed one best friend don't be so greedy. Does anyone else get jealous when someone you call your best friend, calls someone else their best friend? 
4. Not getting you presents. When it comes to Christmas/Birthday you think of the best presents to buy them, and they just come back with "sorry I forgot yours".. basically a nice way of saying that you aren't getting one.
5. They don't like all your photos on Instagram. This is another rule that everyone should know. All your friends should go and like it as soon as you post them, no exceptions!
6. They don't support you. If you're doing something you love and are achieving amazing things, then your friends should be at your side sending positive vibes your way. If they're getting jealous that you're doing better than them then they aren't the friends you need in your life. 
7. Ignoring messages. This is the absolute worst. There's always those friends who are constantly on their phones, yet when you message them they never seem to reply. However, if they need your help you're always there to message back in 0.5 seconds. It works both ways. 
8. Slagging you of behind your back. I always wonder what my friends say about me to other people who don't know me hoping it's amazing compliments. There can be friends though who are slagging you off at any opportunity and end up stabbing you in the back.. so be careful who you trust.
9. Two-faced. I never understand this one really. When someone says they hate someone and forever moaning about them, yet next thing you see they're walking around shopping with them. (This can relate to point 8) 
10. Lie. This can be about a number of things, but lets say about clothes. I swear if I know I look awful in something, I want my friend to tell me. I'm not looking awful just for you to look amazing in all the photos next to me I am not being that friend!! 

So, there's my list of representations anyway what I say is, less friends = less drama.